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Welcome to The INCESSANT RANT. On our worst day this site will embody .00000001% of the world’s opinion. Considering the world population increases by three every second, I'm going to have to persuade just under 260,000 people to agree with me daily if only to break even. I'm screwed...

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Location: Connecticut, United States

I'm a Conservative Troglodyte who puts more emphasis on common sense rather than political parties.

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Saturday, February 05, 2005

Grin & 'Bear' it...

The Vermon Teddy Bear Company recently agreed to remove the “Crazy for You” bear off their shelves. Apparently, it was just a bit too offensive for the Vermont chapter of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill and three other groups of similar focus.

The bear was the usual VTBC’s play on words and was produced as a standard teddy bear wearing a straight jacket. It was set for the Valentine’s Day rush when the politically correct brigade jumped into the fray. Such is life I suppose. The VTBC needs to keep a positive image to maximize sales. So, now it’s gone.

However, as Valentine’s Day approaches, might I suggest a expedited effort by the VTBC to produce the following?

The “Teddy Bear Kennedy" comes from our new ‘drunks and dullards’ collection. Our limited edition release has a computer chip that allows ‘Teddy’ to talk to you. But, listen carefully. He slurs, and keep him away from the bathtub…

Uh oh, it’s the “Barbara Boxer Bear." Also, in limited edition, BBB (as we call her) has a computer chip as well. She spouts and pouts, but not for long. Watch the metamorphosis into a victim when the elephant enters the room (sold separately). BBB debuts the new ‘Unconscionable Idiot’ collection.

For the serious collector we have the “Arafat Bear.” Yassie, as we like to call him doesn’t talk, but boy, does he smell. As a new entry into our classic ‘Digg’n in the Dirt’ collection , we honor Yassie’s new endeavor to feed the hungry. After all, worms and maggots build up a voluminous appetite.

Hot Dog!!! It’s our new release, the “Kerry Bear,” and he’s reporting for duty. This limited edition comes with a pair of flip flops and our state of the art computer chip. He’ll talk, but we have no idea what he’ll say. Neither does he. This one comes from our ‘Career Dissipation’ collection. Grab one now, he won’t be around next year.

Talk about a furry mass of folds and flab. Here’s our new entry into the ‘I sit on my brain’ collection. The “Michael Moore Bear” is a wad of stuffing and a marvel in fluffing. This limited edition holds a computer chip and an unbelievable appetite for junk food and fallacies. So, don’t tell any lies to your new found friend. He’ll use them in his next movie.

“Bear Clinton” is one of our new best sellers. Featuring removable pants and an uncontrollable libido, this little rascal fills out our ‘Gutter trash’ collection. We don’t recommend the big “Bear” for anyone under 18…and keep him away from the dolls.

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